Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Nobody compares to President Barack Obama. He's Obamamazing.

No being, whether now living, long dead, or who may exist at any point in the future, comes anywhere close to the god-man we know as President Barack Obama. He dwells on an entirely different plain.

He feels what we cannot feel. He dreams what we cannot dream. He wipes where we cannot wipe.

President Obama is singularly able to enjoy the full human experience.

What we consider "life" is but a poor reflection, a shadow, a drop of condensation sliding from the edge of his cup.

I did not always know this was so. In fact, it was just today that I made this discovery. My squalid intellect had failed to comprehend what Barack Almighty has been saying all these years.

Nobody cares more than Obama. Nobody is more committed than he is. And, unfortunately, nobody is more disappointed by our failures than he is.

It is not for a lack of effort on the President's part. Lord knows Obama has tried to tell us, again and again.

A search of the term "nobody is more" on whitehouse.gov returns 87 results, the most recent of which is the example of nobody being more frustrated with the absolute, disastrous failure that is the Obamacare rollout.

Despite the weakness of my frail mind, I recalled a previous hint from White House Spokesman Jay Carney, who informed us that "nobody's been more outraged" by the I.R.S. scandal than President Obama.

Through the aid of technology and by no power of my own, I was then able to discover other examples of Obama's oneness.

For example, in the aftermath of the Sandy Hook murders, Vice President Joe Biden told us there's "no person who is more committed to acting on this moral obligation we have than the President of the United States of America."

The list continues:
  • "Nobody shares the frustrations of the American people [during the shutdown] more than I do." (October 15, 2013)
  • "Nobody is more interested... than me in seeing this economy growing strong." (October 18, 2011)
  • "Nobody is more interested in finding out exactly what happened [in Benghazi] than I do [sic]." (October 17, 2012)
  • "There's not a person here who has just felt that sense of despair in watching the broadcasts about the [BP] oil spill down in the gulf. Nobody is more upset than me." (May 25, 2010)
  • "Nobody is more offended than me by some of the anti-gay and lesbian legislation that you've been seeing in Russia." (August 12, 2013)
  • "Nobody is more concerned about their [U.S. diplomats] safety and security than I am." (October 17, 2012)
  • "The bottom line is nobody is more committed to manned space flight, to human exploration of space than I am." (April 15, 2010)

UPDATE: My thanks to Jim Treacher and the Daily Caller for sharing this post and video. Thanks also to Meredith Jessup at The Blaze blog and Charles C. W. Cooke at National Review Online.